2 August 2006

The temperatures are much more reasonable this week and I feel a lot better. Also lower temperatures at night make it easier to sleep  not only for people with COPD but also for everybody! Exercise is now more reasonable. I'm reading Bill Bryson's "A Short History of Nearly Everything" and I highly recommend it, for both incisive and witty observations. It is very well researched. For example I've always had an interest in geology and noticed that British names are common in the geological history. DEVONIAN is derived of course from Devon! And CAMBRIAN comes from the Roman name for Wales. But did you know that ORDOVICIAN and SILURIAN are based on two ancient Welsh tribes, the Ordovices and Silures? However, the term JURASSIC is not British in origin - it refers to the Jura mountains. A great area to visit by the way on the borders of France and Switzerland. PERMIAN is derived from the old Russian Province of Perm in the Ural Mountains. Cretacious comes from the Latin for chalk. Fascinating.

I have some (19 books on geology. If I don't know the value of any book I use the web site BIBLIO. I collect first edition mountaineering books and usually bid for them on EBAY, but I always use BIBLIO or CHESSNER BOOKS IN THE USA (mountaineering only) to find their value from world wide bookshops. Try BIBLIO (just type in BIBLIO INTO YOUR BROWSER) and check it out!

I've just swapped over the water tubs in the garden - one for the shed, one for the house and one for the house. This provides enough water for the garden for the entire spring-autumn period.

24 August 2006

I received a letter the other day congratulating me on achieving the balance between being realistic and up-beat with regard to my COPD web site. I must however admit that I do not always achieve that balance within myself. During July I was confined to the coolest room (still over 27C) in the house for much of the heat-wave and still found myself with some breathing difficulties. I guess that I became introspective and thought of my approaching death. Now I do not have a religion. I am more of a scientist and find mere faith in one particular God or set of writings impossible. That is not to say that I do not recognise the limits of human understanding. That very human understanding will be limited by the very human limitations of ourselves, by our own perspective. I can neither understand the nature or origin of the universe or universes – it is too big a thing to grasp. But I know its there. I have no reason to believe or not to believe that there is life elsewhere on other worlds. I simply as yet or for me, perhaps, will never know. Nor do I deny or accept that there is an “intelligence” at work in the creation and design of our universe or others. I simply do not know so from that point of view I am agnostic.

I do not need a religion to teach me how to behave. For society to work it needs its members to care for each other in the ways we can. Giving is more pleasurable in the long term than just taking. Just taking never satisfied – it is an addiction that just needs feeding. Some people say that you should treat people as you would treat yourself but I’m not sure how that works if you are a suicide bomber.

Afterlife? I have seen people suffer a stroke and become vegetables or suffer deep changes in personalities, suffer Alzheimer’s disease and lose their memories and personalities. So who am I? I am only a collection of memories strung together by the I identify in me and that are recognised as me by other people – be it agreeable or disagreeable, When I sleep. I am no longer except in dreams – another realm, another kingdom where I do not need to eat or sleep but still have earthly images of landscape and people, freedom to fly, to roam but still Earthbound to slip yet deeper into a sleep I no longer remember. As I was born from the dark womb when I first blinked and saw b right light and a maze of colours that had yet to be defined. I know not of the billions of years before that birth or conception nor have I reason to believe that I will know anything after I die. Without a brain or body most of what I am disappears for good. And what is left? Some say it is your spirit that glides – like a ghost trapped in its time. Some say there will be maidens to serve my every whim and pleasure – pity then my body needs will be destroyed. I do not know what happens after death. I do not know anybody or have faith in anybody who has returned after their death. Christ they say returned and Houdini promised to but did not. I do not know. And thus I prepare myself for death as have billions before me and will die in ignorance not pleasure. But then if I die from respiratory failure what could be pleasurable in that accept a longing for leaving pain and this world behind. If I live for two centuries I should want to die anyway from disillusionment and repetition – boredom if you wish – as each generation chose to re-invent itself and armies march against each other to pitchy one religion against another or to fight over resources as the planet is destroyed by mankind’s greed and righteousness and power. Humans will then become a mere footprint in history or journey to the stars. My footprint will be quickly erased forever.

So you see I am human and yes I am preparing myself for my inevitable death. But that does not stop me rising in the morning and enjoying what I can during the course of the day or just getting through it as the case may be. And of course writing to who ever reads this with COPD – be patient and gather courage to say “how are you?” to anybody you meet today. Give them a smile and wipe your tears away.